Lyfestyle

Non-Confrontational Strategies for Introverts to Win Back Their Ancestral Homelands from the Dark Elves

lone viking with wolf

Fighting a series of epic battles to reclaim lost territory can be stressful. Knights in our day are oft overwhelmed by the outspoken and dynamic nature of modern chivalry. What’s worse, this problem is especially acute amongst introverts.

According to the Royal Magistrate of Quests and Travelling Fellowships, nearly half of the Kingdom’s knights errant are introverted. This can pose a problem when one is trying to gather an army to cast off the evil yoke that hath been borne upon one’s homelands by the wicked Dark Elves.

Many tymes, introverts in command of an army are misunderstood by the very troops they’re trying to lead on a quest for vengeance. In fact, most vengeful minions don’t even understand what makes their introverted overlords tick to begin with. This can cause great confusion and miscommunication within the ranks.

According to experts, introverted knights are very different from their extroverted counterparts. Introverts tend to prefer:

  • Battling in small skirmishes and night raids, rather than large, decisive set-piece battles;
  • Killing their enemies silently and under the radar, rather than for glory in front of all the peoples of the Realm;
  • Analyzing and weighing the options before diving headlong into a farfetched and potentially catastrophic adventure.

But if thou finds thyself in such a predicament, all hope is not lost. For there be many proven strategies for introverts to form the mightiest army the Realm hath ever seen and win back their ancestral homelands from the Dark Elves. Here be some advice on how to do so that involves minimal interaction with other humans or similar beings.

Command from a distance.

With moderne technologie, ‘tis no longer necessary to rally thy troops’ spirits from the front lines. Introverted leaders can now command from the rear as their armies clash with the merciless and cunning Dark Elves that snatched away their dominions in the age of their forebears. Using a scrying device or other crystal ball technology is a surefire way to maintain awareness of the campaign’s progress without having to speak in publick.

Set clear and simple goals.

Introverts are great at accomplishing tasks once they are well-defined. Set clear and achievable goals like “I will recapture 3 villages and a river crossing this fortnight” or “I will publickly execute 50 elvish prisoners of war on Frigg’s Day and send their heads to their leader in a sack. This will send a message to their people that I am a merciless opponent to be feared.”

Employ capable and blindly loyal lieutenants.

The word of the age be delegate, delegate, delegate. In the complexity of modern mythical warfare, even extroverted knights hath realized that they can’t do it all themselves.

Announcing publick beheadings of enemy captains is not thy thing? Find an outspoken lieutenant to do it. Don’t enjoy standing upon a pile of bodies and rubble and shouting “For glory!” as thy army makes its final charge? Surely there’s a muscle-bound half-giant who specializes in that. It all cometh down to finding a few blindly loyal lieutenants to complement thy own shortcomings.

Sabotage and treachery.

So direct combat is not thy preference? Thou art not alone in this. Many introverts use sabotage and treachery to weaken the Dark Elves by alternative means.

Backstabbings, poisonings, and terrorism are all useful tools in thy quest to retake what is rightfully thine. It is even possible to foment peasant revolts within Dark Elf territory to help crumble their illegitimate gouvernement from the inside. Just make sure thou has a plan to crush said revolts once thou finally returns to power.

Use a long spear to keep potential conversationalists at bay.

If thou dost decide to charge into the fray, a long spear can help keep thine enemies at a distance so thou dost not have to interact with them face-to-face. If thou truly wants to avoid conversation but also wants to be involved in the battle, thou can also place thyself with the artillery or the archers. ‘Tis the best of both worlds: thou gets to kill Dark Elves and also hast not to talk to anyone.

Meditation.

Even when they are able to muster the courage to interact with other beings, introverted knights still need quiet time to recharge. Meditate betwixt each cavalry charge to level thy humours and help thee relax. After a twenty to thirty minute meditation session, thou wilt return to the slaughter refreshed and ready to cast the Dark Elves back to the shadow forests whence they came.

Economick policies.

Much like sabotage and treachery, economick warfare can help thee weaken the Dark Elves’ unholy domain from a distance. Drain them of funds through the astute use of tariffs and regulations; pay Merfolk pirates to attack their shipping; convince the neighbouring fiefdoms to sanction their spice shipments. ‘Tis a long game, but they will slowly crumble as thou watches from afar and awaits thy triumphant return to the land of thy forefathers.

Dragons/Burn things.

A rather straightforward method of vengeance if thou art lucky enough to enlist dragons in thy cause. Simply scorch the land and all the wretched Dark Elves who inhabit it. No human interaction necessary. Sure, thy homelands will be naught but a pile of ash when thou enters them victorious, but on the plus side, fewer people to talk to.

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