Lyfestyle

These Black Friday Sales Put The “Deal” In “Surviving This Winter Shall Be Quite An Ordeal”

winter market

Thanks-give-King hath passed and thou art still alive, which meaneth ’tis tyme to begin shoppeing for Mistlemas. If thou art looking to spendeth thy meager wage on thy family this Yuletide, then the Kingdom hath many a Black Friday sale for thee!

If thou cannest escape the grinding days behind the plough for a few hours, then check out these Black Fridays sales that putteth the “deal” in “surviving this winter shall be quite an ordeal”!

  1. Wooden logge. ‘Tis likely that at least one member of thy family wilt freeze to death or die of pneumonia by the New Year. Wooden logge (7 ha’pence each) wilt provide thy hovel a few minutes of warmth if thou cannest manage to start a fyre.
  2. Salt. Season and preserveth thy foode o’er the long wintermonths with Salt (2 shillings per mark). Though Salt beeth typically reserved for use by the nobility, after a particularly productive season in the Salt Mines in which a record number of enemy prisoners of war toiled day and night, The King shalt alloweth tradesmen and e’en mere peasants to purchase this delicacy!
  3. Fresh drinking water. Winter ’tis famous for its lack of fresh drinking water, which causes most serfs to drink of tainted wells and subsequently succumb to dysentery. A dead serf is no goode to his lord, so tryeth some fresh drinking water (3 pence per gill) today! What if thou hath already spent thy lyfe savings on wooden logge? Simple: useth thy brief moment of heat to melt some snow!
  4. Ale. Perhaps the Kingdom’s top selling Black Friday treat for the past hundred years, ale (10 pounds per hogshead) wilt helpeth thee forgeteth thy misery, at least for a short while. While it may not helpeth thy family survive the winter, ’twill nonetheless ensure thou enjoyest thy final miserable moments on Earth!