Dost thou care for the wellbeing of thy kith and kin? Dost thou want to seeth them travel safely during these tymes of plague?
Well thou art in lucke!
A newe study by the Royal Army hath shown that the safest place to travel during this holiday season beeth to war.
“‘Tis really a win-win,” sayeth Lord Commander Jan von Jansonson. “Thy children will beeth able to travel for the holidays, and His Majesty’s Army shall fill out its ranks for the winter campaign.”
“Just maketh sure they art strong enough to wield a spear, or at least a sling. Otherwise, they will quickly beeth slaughtered and aren’t much use to the Army a’tall! We can’t have soldiers eating of our wheat stores if they be unfit for battle.”
Royal Sürgeon Dr. Jeclonius Sphłînt sayeth the study ist backed by the latest in the budding fields of Humourology and Miasmatics.
“The King hath decreed that the airs around His Glorious Battlefields are moste wholesome and free of malodorous miasma,” sayeth Sphłînt. “That’s about as much proof as I doth need.”
If thy peasantlings are yet too youngly to walk or wield a weapon, Lord Commander Jansonson doth recommend keeping them home to work the land until they art olde enough to do so.
“‘Whilst ’tis not as honourable as dying in battle for the Royal Standard, producing grain for the Army is also of great import,” he sayeth. “So if thy peasantlings are too weak to fight now, doth not fret. There shall always be more wars!”