The Barbarian Hordes Are Invading. Can Thou Payest Thy Taxes Before Thy Family Is Slaughtered?

barbarian hordes

The barbarian hordes art descending upon thy village, thirsty for blood and treasure. Whilst thy ultimate fate beeth already determined, thou mayest have tyme for one last act of good will towards The King before thy loved ones meet a violent end. Taketh this quiz to see if thou can payest thy taxes before thy family is slaughtered by the pillaging hordes.

Art thou swift of foot?

a.) Yea. A single arrow in mine thigh ist not enough to stop me from running to the tax collector’s office before I doth bleed out.

b.) Nay. Mine knees were crushed during last year’s invasion, and ’tis all I can do to simply stand so that I may continue to produce grain for m’Lord.

Of what materials beeth made the fortifications ’round thy village?

a.) Dirt and sticks, for ’tis all we can afforde.

b.) The hordes hath already razed the walls, and the village magistrate’s head is on a pike. Serves him right, for ’twas rumoured he hadst once spoken ill of The King’s policy of letting the barbarians pillage our village each year.

Dost thou typically payest thy taxes in coin or in some other form?

a.) I giveth e’ery coin to my name each year.

b.) What is coin? I possess no wealth and usually giveth one o’ me sons to the levy.

Upon reaching the tax collector’s office, thou hast found that he hath already bravely fled so that all the monies he hath collected will make it safely to the Royal Coffers. Can the son thou is giving as payment make it to the next village and find the tax collector?

a.) Yea. He is only in his fourth year of lyfe, but he knows these woods well, for he hath spent many a long hour gathering herbs and berries there to supplement our meager harvest.

b.) The hordes hath already encircled the village. But I will send him nonetheless into their midst so that Fate may guide him to the tax collector.

Most likely thy son will be immediately trampled underfoot by a barbarian steed. In case this happens, what other form of payment dost thou have?

a.) I shall bury my most prized possession, a pewter candlestick, under the barn. When the hordes have cleared, His Majesty’s Army may chance upon it, and its transfer to the Royal Coffers shall serve as my final act of loyalty to the Crowne.

b.) Everything else is on fyre and I’m dead.


Mostly A’s. Well done, lad! Whilst thou and thy family certainly met an agonizing end, thy final minutes were dedicated to paying thy taxes. Perchance, in the end, thy payment will make it to His Majesty after all, and thou shalt be rewarded in the afterlyfe!

Mostly B’s. Sorry, thou prob’ly failed in paying thy taxes. The fiery fate thou suffers at the hands of the barbarians ist nothing compared to the pain thou shall suffer in the afterlyfe for failing in thy duties to The King.