Lo! Many hath proffered opinions about the unnaturally high rates of blindness amongst the Kingdom’s freethinkers, recusants, and other dissidents. Didst God punish them for their refusal to blindly submit to His Majesty’s rule? Or didst The King hunteth them down and punish them justly?
A newe study from Ye Royal Academy of Numbers and Inquiries showeth that the high rates of blindness amongst freethinkers beeth not related to The King stabbing their eyes out with His eye dagger.
“Whilst His Majesty’s eye dagger is often bloodied after rooting out a freethinker from its hiding place, and all dissidents certainly deserve to be blinded, we hath found no direct link between the rate of blindness and their eyes being violently gouged from their sockets by The King’s blade,” sayeth Esteemed Lecturer Philator Pumbus. “‘Tis not to say that His Majesty couldn’t so do it if He please, for the eyes of all subjects — as with all things — belong to The King.”
“Also, the fact The King nicknamed His eye dagger ‘Rebel Blinder’ beeth totally unrelated.”
So if thou didst harbour scandalous thoughts of thinking freely, then knowest that thou wilt be stricken blinde, but by natural and mysterious causes, and not by the Royal Guard showing up at thy hovel in the middle of the night, ripping thee from thy bed, and carving thy eyes out before thy family.
Long liveth The King!