Beasts of the Wyld

How to Convert Thy Livestock to Christianity with Nothing but a Bible and a Loquacious Anthropomorphic Fox-Priest

fox priest and birds

Now that all subjects, man and beast, art mandated by Royal Decree to pracktice His Majesty’s religion, ’tis important that all personages and animals on thy estate beeth converted with utmoste haste. ‘Tis no small deed, and it can beeth particularly tricky to convert thy hens, ducks, and other fowl, for many wouldst sooner die than give up their heathen birdgods.

But fret not! For all things The King wills shall cometh to be! Here beeth some ways to convert thy livestock to Christianity with nothing but a Bible and a loquacious anthropomorphic fox-priest.

  1. Promise them an inifite feast of seeds in Bird Heaven. Doth Bird Heaven really have a ne’erending supply of millet and sunflower seed? Are avian beings e’en allowed into Paradise? Who cares so long as The King’s Will be done! Thy articulate clergyfox wilt certainly find ways to convince them.
  2. Preach to the young. Have the well-spoken fox-priest educate thy youngly chicks and goslings on the sanctity of The King’s decrees, for whilst they are too small and weak to be of use to Him now, they will one day be His loyal subjects. Also, they are stupid baby birds and wilt believe anything they are told so long as thou gives them seeds.
  3. Striketh fear in their hearts. If the fox-priest’s arts of persuasion don’t work, have him chase thy fowl around the farm and tear out one of their innards with his razor jaws. This will showeth what happens when thou disobeys The King.
  4. If all else fails, cook and eat them. A perfect feast to celebrate one of the many new holidays His Majesty hath graced us with!

God saveth The King!